1. Q. Ryan,

My biggest problem is holding onto the past. I am really bad at that. Holding onto the dreams that we

had for our future together, that never seemed to manifest. I forget that 3/4 of our life together has

been in dispute and has lacked communication. I only remember the fun, the good times, and the dreams that never came true. Then I wallow in my sadness and mourn the loss. Why do we do that to ourselves? He is very matter-of-fact, very ready to just walk away and say,"okay, it isn't working. I'm not happy. Let's move on". I am saying, "we can work it out, we can fix

what's wrong... blah, blah..." Knowing that we have tried for 6 years and he is not willing to get

professional help. The signs are all around me. Move on. Let the past go so that something wonderful can enter. Why can't I do that?

Can’t let go!

A. Dear Letting Go,

Stop thinking about what it is you’re doing wrong, and think about what you’re doing right. My advice for what it’s worth... for what you lack in one situation... you will make up for in another so allow change to occur, and embrace all those new aspects... then your lack will diminish into something new, something more along the lines of your desires. Because now you know what it is you don't want.... so go for what you do. It’s never to late... because everyday is another chance... When a man says, “It’s time to move on.” The only thing you can do if you want to keep him is to let him go. He’ll either find out he loves to come running back, or you never really had him to hold onto. Either way you have to keep your chin up, and be strong for yourself not him. Also, a good cry will serve you well, let those pent up emotions get spent… that’s one shopping spree we have to do at times.

Let me know how it goes… no pun intended.

2..Q. Mr. WAC:

I am an attractive and intelligent woman who has found it difficult to meet men in social situations. Once they find out that I have a brain and use it... they run away screaming like Jamie Lee Curtis in

Halloween!!! A friend suggested I try the Internet. She said she had met lots of great people and was having a great time. Needless to say I did try it. I thought I'd meet people and get to know them based on my inner self instead of my appearance. I'm afraid to leave my house now! I've had men sending me emails of themselves in the bathtub... doing things I thought were illegal in

most states! Anyway Mr. WAC, do you have any suggestions of how I should proceed? Am I better off at the grocery store like Oprah says... cruising the produce? Do you have suggestions on how to meet people on the Internet? At least ones that I don't have to get a restraining order against.

Lost in Cyberspace

A. Dear Lost in Cyberspace,

Love on a laptop is actually a chapter in my book I am writing. Dating is tough, because men don't want to work for your gift. That being sexual... If you choose to date online, I only recommend one site Eharmony.com. It’s expensive in comparison, but they use a personality test from the FBI... This way your matches are actually closer to your needs. When dating online you do the selecting, don't wait for the perfect man to email you. Then know your suitor....Meet on your turf no matter what, and have him come to you. Get a coffee at a busy place where you know lots of people hang out. Watch how he looks at you vs. them. He should make eye contact, listen, and be

concerned about talking to you not what’s going on around him. Never go to his neck of the woods for at least 3 dates first. They’re being taught to tag and bag you on the first night. He is able to do this by fooling you into thinking he is your prince charming. They tap into your child like fantasy of marriage, and being rescued by the knight in shinning armor. I’ve even heard a radio personality saying nickname them a female Disney character to butter them up. Be upfront about sex so they know it’s not that you won't put out, but he’s not going to get it without some effort.

As for Oprah, I agree... start keeping an eye out at stores, malls, gyms, parks, and normal places... Don't be afraid to make eye contact with that sexy guy checking you out at the store. There are two types of guys... The guy that makes the pick up a science, and then the guy who is looking but just a bit shy... You select the man, and let them think they selected you. Never sleep with them within the first 2 weeks no matter what. If a man will not wait for 2 weeks, he would’ve dropped you as fast as you dropped your dress... Then when you do have sex... be verbal, let go, have fun try to do it without seeing the commitment it entails. Then you will bring about this wild fantasy the man has about meeting a woman who ignites his fire... Don’t bring him to your house for 2 weeks or go to his for any reason not even to pick you up! Meet him at the place you go frequently, and try to let him know you are discerning about whom you bring home. Because what you have to offer is

addictive... be playful with that... he wants to bring up sex... meet him head on! Men are like lions giving chase... they like that moment the prey is right in their grasp and slips out... then they have to

increase the drive to regain the chance to get the goal... It’s like teaching a dog.... except dogs stay

around...

Hope we found some answers,

Ryan

3. Q. Help me Rye,

It's been 2 years since my divorce. He had an affair. I was clueless. When he asked me for the divorce was when he told me about the other woman. I am still not over "it". Maybe I’m still not over him either. Everyone says LET GO. How is that done? How or what do I do to "let go"?

"Stuck"

A. Dear Stuck,

Affairs are very common in marriage, and at least you found out about it. This information gives you the power you need to take back what you lost. One of the many reasons we can’t let things go, is because it’s hard to admit we messed up. I realize you were clueless to the affair, but I’m guessing you knew there was a problem. This problem could have been two things, one a lack of continual communication between both parties, and growing apart. Just because we are married doesn’t mean we stop learning and growing nor do our needs. That’s where the communication solves many problems before they become a problem. The one thing about this is you can’t undo what’s been done so all you can do is learn from this event. When it comes to getting over someone there is no set method or time period. It took me two years once to get over someone I only dated for 6 months. People will say the easiest way to get over one is to find another, well if it works for them I guess. I would say that only creates more problems. Take some time off from dating, and work on

yourself. Don’t just join a gym actually go, and find a Hobby to take the place of your Hubby. Then try to enjoy life, and yourself by getting out there seeing new things. Before you know it, that weight you’re carrying will get lighter and lighter until you are free.

So pick up the pace to put away the past…

Hope this bails you out,

Rye