Dear Doctor Love,

I know you give advice to women, but can you help a fellow guy out? There is this girl I was supposed to meet up with this weekend. Maybe I’m reading into it, but I don’t think so.

She was supposed to meet up with me this past Saturday night, but she said that she didn’t feel like going out. It is so confusing because Friday we were like little kids on the phone. She was flirting with me all over the place, and she said she would give me a call that night to see what I was up to. That call never came. Despite that I gave her a short text on Sunday to see how her day went. We chatted via text a bit that night, and she said she would talk to me on Monday which is today! .Honestly, I’m not going call or text her anymore.

This girl keeps telling me to call her later yet never wants to hang out. We went on a lunch date last week, and that went fantastic! Even though we have chemistry we have yet to hang out again, she keeps putting it off. What’s your take on this one? Should I cut the rope on this one or should I pursue it? And if so what’s my game plan? I admit when I like someone I tend to give them too much attention at the beginning. Is there a golden rule for how much attention you give someone at the beginning?

Tired of trying

Mr. T,

I do give advice to guys, and I appreciate your writing in to get my take on things. You seem very articulate and my guess is smarter than average. There are so many possible answers to your question.

The easiest answer could be that you are second guessing yourself way too much, and to quick to pass judgment. By saying this I mean that people (i.e. her) have different methods of dating, and how they warm up to people. If you feel there was a connection on the phone, it may take some time before you can actually reach out and touch someone! So keep the communication alive! What could it hurt to remain interested until you are told different?

Some of the less attractive answers to your query may be hard to stomach so I will spoon feed them with a little sugar. Sometimes we miss an opportunity to connect, and then end up in the ever frozen friend zone! I realize that answer may not be something you want to hear, but the truth does have a bit of bite to it. Another possibility could be that you have set yourself up for failure. Confidence is the key to any success in life, be it work or dating. Women are often attracted to confidence, and we are all guilty of feeling a little insecure. However, that turns on the try-to-hard-o-meter, and we end up putting out the flames before they really start burning.

So how does this help you? Let’s try a different approach when it comes to her, and anymore waiting in the wings. Approach every woman with a sense of confidence, and let your law of action speak for you. What you want you will get whether you do or don’t! Be a gentleman, set your boundaries, show interest not abundance, and most importantly allow any woman a chance to pursue you back. Let’s call it the tug of war syndrome. Many women want what they can’t have, and once they get it want something different. Why is that? It is just like Christmas! Think of your interest as a gift that you are giving to this particular lady. Now would that gift gather the same reciprocal interest if it was not wrapped nicely, and left to weeks of guessing? So never let yourself be out of site, but always be on her mind. You have to get her to think, “I wonder what he is doing right now”, or “Why hasn’t he called today?” Keep being the nice guy, but cloak yourself in mystery. Just like in poker you never let your hand show until the end.

I hope that helps!

Ryan

Doctor Love,

Here goes my question... I have a boyfriend and we have been talking about getting married. He wanted to wait because I was in school to be a masseuse. Finally, I have graduated, and I am now working for a small office. I am very happy, and this can lead to my own practice.

Well to make al long story short my boyfriend came to take me to lunch the other day. I had just finished with a client, and as I was getting ready to go to lunch the client came out. He paid me, and left me a very healthy tip. My client also acknowledged my talents and how talented I am. “Boom” all this blew up in my face and my boyfriend is now jealous of my job! It seems all is going a rye, and he actually had the nerve to tell me that it’s him or my job. I went to school for this, and I like it! Any thoughts on what I should do??

Miss what to do I do

Dear what’s already done,

So your boyfriend supported your decision to go into this career, and now he has

experienced a change of heart. Perhaps he was unclear about what your job description would be as a masseuse? As far as I know that means you have to massage half naked men and women all day long. I can tell you that any man would be a bit jealous or taken back by your situation. That is just the nature of being involved with someone. There are a couple things you should address in your relationship. The fact that he gave you an ultimatum is totally unfair, and a brainless attempt to control you. Explain to him <if you already have not done so> that you went to school for this, and you enjoy the healing side of your job. Perhaps your boyfriend thinks that healthy tip equates a “happy ending”, or has a misconception of what you really do as a masseuse.

Communication is going to be your only asset to solving this slippery situation! Go to a nice dinner just the two of you, talk about the things that brought you together in the first place, and then go into the job issue. This job choice is going to require a lot of trust on your boyfriend’s part, and that means you have to be understanding. You may have to hold his hand through this until he is okay with it. There is obviously a connection with you two that was leading somewhere amazing! Talk, talk, and talk some more about your honest feelings! Avoid arguing at all cost, and if this was love it will last.

Respect his ego, but his egotistical side has to go! He can be hurt, but hurting you is not an answer. If he has some true concerns have him send me a question.

Ryan

Dear Rye,

Why is it that when things seemingly are going really good, my boyfriend finds the perfect opportunity to sabotage our relationship? His latest attempt, he stayed out all night after he said he would be home shortly, and never called or answered his cell phone! So called him from our blocked my phone number and he answered. Then he acted like I was crazy for being angry. What is the purpose of this game, and how do I handle it?

Working it out

Miss Worked,

I would venture to say he has been doing this for at least the past six months. The lack of concern towards your feelings is a serious sign on a one way road to disaster! There are some basic needs to make a relationship work! Those would be trust, communication, respect, and maintaining your boundaries. The amazing thing about your man is that he broke all of those in one fail swoop. It looks like your Romeo is giving you the run around.

Your solutions for this reoccurring problem with Mr. Sabotage are running out. What should you do? How long should you wait? Well the answer is obvious. You do not trust him, you feel neglected, you are being disrespected, and that is just this one time. I can not even imagine the fact that Game boy has done this more than once. The only way to handle it is to do your own thing. If you insist on being in a situation that causes you grief, at least give it back! I am sure if this was done to him you would see who was truly crazy. The other option is pack up what confidence and self-esteem you have left, and find someone who appreciates you.

Ryan

So Mr. Advice,

How do I find out if they actually know each other? Do guys talk, or is anything fair game as long as you’re not in a relationship? I’m having some trouble deciphering the male code-of-honor here, along with whether or not I am playing with fire. If I go out with Jason and The Biker finds out, am I forever doomed?

Ryan, or anyone some advice on this one, PLEASE?

Thanks and see you next week!

Chassy

Sassy Chassy,

I find myself being reminded of Murphy’s Law, “Things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance.” Basically I call it the law of attraction meets the law of action. Look at the already bizarre coincidences of his ex scratching post at your gym. For the record, guys talk especially about their women, you could compare it to four star chefs trading cooking secrets!

That being said, two guys, same sport, gut feeling, and already bizarre twist. I would say your spider sense is tingling more than your toes at this point in your love life. First off two months of living in the love shack should prompt some type of instinctual “this is my woman” response. I know in my own personal life the moment I met the woman I wanted to be with I shouted it from the roof tops. The fear of not making it exclusive as soon as possible would be like buying a new Porsche and leaving it in Compton with the keys in it!

So how does that relate to your situation, the plight of the woman seeking love in the Santa Barbara single town USA? You and the biker are 2 months into it, and still not a hint of “we”, “us”, or stepping things up to the next level.  Your own frustration calls out to you like a ghostly echo in every word and action.  The law of attraction in this case says I will get what I want, whether I do or do not want it! So perhaps you are silently screaming out to the universe I want, I want, I want!

So what do you want? I think Jason may have the answer to that question. The crazy thing about fire it can burn you, but it can also keep you pretty warm on a cold lonely night. So what if Mr. Be Back Biker finds out, it looks as if you are one up on finding out hidden secrets in his book! So then you will be on a level playing field!

Honor is doing what is right to you, and obviously you felt you were already done wrong in some way or Jason would have never caught your eye. So I say give J a call, and see where it takes you! Obviously, Mr. Be Back in awhile is planning a solo adventure.

Only diamonds are forever, and you will know when you find one!

Ryan Keys-Mathews