First Law of Love: Attraction!

A reader followed my suggestion and sent in this description of their ideal mate based on my “Laws of Love”-

“Dear Ryan,

I really enjoyed some of your past articles regarding these “Laws of Love”, and your insights into finding someone special. I’m anxious to apply this to my quest for the perfect man for me, not Mr. Perfect. Here goes! First the physical attributes I’m attracted to strong arms I like to be held because it makes me feel safe and good. When I feel safe I am more aggressive so it helps me negotiate better work, or with standing up to those who may judge me. Hopefully he will have a cute face with pretty colored eyes especially brown or black. If I’m not attracted to a guy right away, I will not even want to kiss and kissing is very important to intimacy. Physically fit would also be a huge plus because this can be a huge motivating factor to help me stop smoking! You know some team work, support, and kisses go a long way with me.

He must be financially secure so I will not have to curb my spending habits that are already well ingrained within me. Although, I don’t mind helping out with my significant others finances as long as he appreciates me by expressing how wonderful I am! You know basically praising me for my good work so I will feel good about helping out.

I’m also attracted to witty men. Because they make me laugh, and that brings happiness into my life. I find that a man with a sense of humor is less likely to focus on my negative qualities.  Basically, if he doesn’t then I won’t focus on his either. The laughter will also show people that we are a very happy couple. I want a man that is very patient with me, one that doesn’t analyze everything I say or do! He should let me relax a bit, and not be nit picky over every little thing I do.

All of these qualities plus a man that will know whether or not he wants to be with me right away because that is how I am! If he doesn’t know then I will not know, and then it becomes one long chain of events that brings doubt in our attraction levels. Basically if we both know right away, then they’re will not be jealousy or insecurity. So what do you think? Anne”

This is a definite start in the right direction when it comes to adhering to the first of the Love Laws, Attraction. I appreciate your efforts, and applaud your vulnerability to open yourself up for the readers. This is a community that welcomes you, and supports you in every way. I am here give you a male perspective on the many differences and issues between the sexes. I will attempt to give you my honest and helpful insights regarding your “Ideal Qualities List”. That is what we will term this process of defining one’s needs, wants, and desires in relation to what you bring to the table of dating. Let me say this to all the wonderful women out there, “Never Settle”.

This is an important step for enabling the “Law of Attraction” to take flight, and to put your desires on paper. You need to proclaim it from the roof tops, and let it really take seat in your soul as someone once said, “As it is written, so shall it be.”  To write these qualities down as you have done brings them to a level of awareness for at least 3 of your senses. You can see them, hear them, and touch them. It is like having the pink slip to your automobile. Every time you touch it or pick it up you feel good because you know this piece of paper says you own it. So by doing this we will own what we want. I would also encourage you to write briefly about how gaining this person in your existence will affect your life for the years to come. This way you can create visual images to help evaluate your list of what your wants mean. Once you look at the effects this person may or may not have you can honestly determine if this is truly what you want from a mate.

So what is your IQL saying about you, your choices, and your expectations? It shows me that you are still affected by a past relationship to some degree. You have the right to expect all of these things, and more don’t get me wrong. I just can’t help but sense some issues with your self-confidence. Much of your list starts out with great qualities to expect, however you follow it with statements that basically say “he will enable me”, or “this characteristic will help me be more”. Yes men are great, being one myself. They are actually meant to compliment you in every area, but not to give you self definition. I am not saying you are wrong in how you stated any of your list, but I would like to point out a man of this character is not going to change your own actions. Yes he can have strong arms and a sense of humor. However, you need to find confidence inside to face your family, or to find strength on your own. Television has indoctrinated women into a co-dependent life being governed by a biased male perspective. With that being thrown out there like the opening day pitch for the Yankees, let’s see what you can do about this façade.


These are the “Laws of Love”; how to find love, how to keep love, how to love someone else, and how to love your-self. Find the strength you need by standing up for what you want, and even write that down. The law of attracting works across the board not just in love. If you want strength, write down the whys, and the how to reaffirm your quest for strength.


So when asking for what you want, make sure to get to know yourself first and foremost. After all, how will you know what you want is what you want, if you don’t know the person in the mirror first. So everyone write this list, and everyday you want this work on yourself. Women rise up and empower yourselves! Read, write, explore, take chances, and stick together! Wow did I just totally get in touch with my female side or what? Yes I did, but I did years ago out of respect for myself, and those around me! So want what you want, and write it down! So until next time, start loving that beautiful person that you see everyday in the mirror!

Ryan